I was just at a celebration service the other night. The service was being held in honor of an unborn baby that was taken home early to be with Jesus. I was truly touched by the words of the parents. My tears were mixed with joy and sadness. I was sad to see them lose their baby and sad to think about all the times I've been angry at my own babies (life is short and I need to soak it up). I was in joy as I watched them handle it so gracefully and filled with joy to think of the many days I might have laid ahead with my kids. The mother keeps a journal for each child and had already started journaling to her unborn son. I was moved deeply as she read her words aloud to him. She talked about not being able to see him grow up and play sports, not hearing the pitter patter of his feet and not seeing him get married etc..........It made me think of my precious three. I also keep a journal for each of my three. I came home and wrote in each one. I had a lot to say. I have not written in them in awhile. I think I'll start reading an entry aloud to each child on his/her birthday and give them the journals as they become grown adults. I did alot of apologizing in my writing and I did some bragging. I'm so proud of them. The best part is...........I will continue to do this in person and not just write about it. I need to apologize frequently and brag aloud to them daily. They need to hear that. I also keep a journal with my mom. While in highschool the two us did not get along, a very long story! Anyway, I moved out on my 18th birthday, halfway through my senior year and took life into my own hands. Well, our relationship did not really begin to mend until I married. I then decided to write down my personal thoughts to her in a journal and give it to her so that she could respond by writing back. Well, we each have a journal now and we trade each time we see eachother. I love to read what she writes to me. Here is an entry from my wonderful mother called Impressions.
"I know I was glad to have a girl. All I heard while pregnant was that he (my birth father) wanted a boy. I was in recovery for all of the first day you were born. I remember being afraid to face him because it wasn't a boy. I didn't get to hold you for 4 days- the nurses were not very accommodating to c-section patients in Germany. You were fat, no hair, and quiet. I was terrified of not being able to take care of you. You went through 36 diapers in you first 24 hours at home. I cried because he made it very very plain that he expected a boy"
. I never knew that. Don't feel sorry for me. My real father is the man my mother is married to now and he's ecstatic about me being a girl. I'm glad I'm a girl too! hahahha LOL. But these words have been very powerful to me. I had no idea that my mom suffered so much. How terrible to feel this way. There are other entries where she commends me on my parenting and is so proud of me. I love this journal and will do the same with my girls.
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